You know that book you wrote years ago, the one about going off to college and then coming home for Thanksgiving and then going back to college? Yeah, that one. Still have the manuscript lying around somewhere? Great. Find that sucker and burn it!
Why? You’ve got to be kidding me! Where have you freaking been for the last week? Never mind, just find the only extant copy of Go Tell It On the Bar Stool, the one you typed on a manual Smith-Corona your parents gave you when you graduated from high school because, well, all typewriters were manual back then so what choice did they have.
Yeah, I know, you kept it for sentimental value, because you might want to read it again some day. Except you never have and trust me on this, the thing is a ticking bomb. Find…and…destroy.
You want details? Fine, but sit down and brace yourself. Okay, here it is. You’re not immortal. Yeah, get a Kleenex, I’ll hold on.
Ready for the worst part? There are about twenty million medical things that can happen to you on that slide into the Big Farewell – aneurisms, strokes, dementias, don’t get me started. Bottom line – by then it’s too late; you won’t be able to obliterate that embarrassing piece of crap you wrote in one week while living on Seagram’s 7 and Lik-M-Aid.
Oh, a trusted family friend has promised to take care of everything if you’re incapacitated. What’s her name again? Iago? Weird name for a woman.
Yeah, I guess regional names can be charming. But hey, you majored in English. Remember Othello? Just saying…
You just found the manuscript in the garage under a pile of old extension cords you’re afraid to use because the blades on the plugs are the same size? Wow, that’s some seriously antique stuff! So trash the cords, read your book and then build a fire out back. No argument! I’ll be there in an hour.
Yeah, I’ll bring the Seagram’s.
abigail padgett 
Lovely!
What is it about high school exegesis that makes it SO hard to part with? While I kept nothing of my own over the years, I finally trashed the pages written 1) by my strange high school friend who killed herself in 1970, and 2) a dumb assignment written by the guy I had a crush on in 10th grade ( okay, 1965). But not until I was in my very late 50s. To my credit, those documents were in a box of stuff I had not looked at in ~20 years, but why ever did I hang onto that stuff for so long?
Thank you for giving me a opportunity to laugh at myself.
Sent from my iPad
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Thanks, Cindy. Were she able, I suspect that Nelle Harper Lee would be asking herself that same question -Why did I hang onto that stuff for so long?” This whole debacle has forced me to remember a novel I wrote ages ago that’s still in a box, someplace. I’m sure it’s AWFUL even though I haven’t read it or even thought about it in, like you, 20 years. Must find it and dash out for marshmallows to roast over the flames!
http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/hey-you-dont-have-to-read-harper-lees-new-book-1717583752
This is the best commentary on the whole wretched fiasco that I’ve read. This guy has the cajones to say what everybody else is afraid to say because the nasty lawyer might sue them. I wouldn’t dream of buying or reading the book, but so many will that the publisher stands to make 40 million on the first printing alone, a big chunk of that going to the lawyer. I’m sickened. Thanks for sending the Concourse article. It makes me feel less alone.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
Sent from iPad of Marilyn Ireland
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And so un-actionable, alas.
I had the thing on pre-order, unfortunately. It arrived last night. I wish it hadn’t. I tried to plow through the beginning of it today during my commute, but hey! It’s not a good idea to read anything on the subway that can put you to sleep!
The first manuscript is in my closet. Yes, I’ve kept it all these years. I don’t think I’m going to burn it but instead add a body or two and turn it into a mystery. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. Not going to read that other book.
Nobody should read “that other book!” Good for you for seeing through the hype to the unconscionable rip-off beneath. And good luck with that first ms. I’m definitely burning mine!
Your writing style is just grand. I’ve read your books and your commentaries and each one has depth and a sense of humor, so lacking in the world now it seems. I did the “get rid of” thing by FINALLY painting over with primer a “work of art” I’ve been dragging around since my college years (late ’60’s). I then did a whole new painting after 45 years of not painting at all. It’s completely different in style and it has started me on a whole new way of expression. It’s even more fun since I have no professors grading my work! Thanks for continuing to write. I look forward to each piece.
Thanks, Jo Janet. Love your story about your pentimentoed 60’s work of art primered over to allow a new you after 45 years! Have to admit I’m curious about the vanished image (peace symbol in tie-dye?) and the new style. And those 45 years! Classic trajectory for women. So glad you came back!